As we go through this stage of our lives, I sometimes find myself with questions. What do we do now? Should I go back to work? How do I work when my husband needs my help at home? How can we continue to support ourselves when we don’t travel and minister? What will we do if Stacy is no longer able to get out the tape of the month or The Implanter? Some would say, “Pamla, where’s your faith." I know that my faith is in God. I know that he is in charge of my life and considers my welfare important. He has never let me down, nor will he let us down. He supplies all our needs. Yet, just how much effort am I suppose to put forth concerning the affairs of my life? I see that the apostle Paul continued to work while preaching the gospel.
I think that somewhere along the line we all come to a place where things just don't go the way we think they should. Occasionally, at these times, we might find ourselves asking, "What did I do wrong?" "Is God punishing me?" "I am a good Christian, I don't feel like I deserve to be treated like this. I've tried hard to do things the way you want me to Lord. Why has this happened to me?" Then we wait for God to answer, all the while hoping we will receive a healing, relief from financial problems, maybe some direction and guidance. I, personally, do not wait quietly, I stay just as busy as ever and expect to hear perfectly what He wants to say to me.
I have found that in these times of difficulty we are brought to a place of total reliance on God's love for us. Once we realize that we can not threaten, bribe, nor make promises to God, we can then recognize we have only one avenue, "faith." He alone knows the innermost thoughts and intents of our heart. It is because he knows all about us, and what makes us ‘tick,’ we can trust him to lead us to the clean, clear water a place of perfect rest. True, we might not get what we think we want, when we think we want it, but it is only when we come to a place of total trust and reliance on him we are able to comprehend his great love for us.
The next hardest thing to do is to trust him to love others enough to do what is best for them. By this I am speaking of our children, our friends and even our enemies. I always want to step in and do my part by praying, (you know, the kind of prayer that says, "God do this or do that"). I also want to aid and abet through their times of difficulty. Yet, lately my Father spoke into my life saying, “Daughter, would you not have my child learn the lesson that they need to learn?" I know at this point that I must pray, “Your will be done." True I do not like to see anyone I love, hurt, confused, or without what I consider the "necessities of life." But in all these things, God is fair and righteous in all his ways. It is because he loves his children that he desires them to mature and become like he is in the earth. (1Jo. 3:32).
Even when we question and doubt it is important that we not think poorly of ourselves. I have found that our growth in the Spirit mirrors our chronological aging. At each stage of development, I thought I was mature, you know, fully grown, but the next thing I knew, there was more to learn and more to experience. I thank God, we continue to learn and mature all through our lives.
And so it is at this ‘stage’ of my life, I am learning to trust that which God has put in me. Romans 15:13 says it so well. “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Spirit." This tells me that I have the right to believe that I might abound in the hope, which is given to me by the Holy Spirit! I can actually give myself permission to be filled with joy and peace even in the most difficult of times. Even when the battle rages in my thinking, I know that I am more than an over comer through Christ, who loves me. (Rom 8:37) All of this is a part of the maturing process and I find that am not being processed, I am making progress, as I grow-up into my calling.
"But everyone who has done right will shine like the sun in their Father’s kingdom. If you have ears, pay attention! The kingdom of heaven is like what happens when someone finds treasure hidden in a field and buries it again. A person like that is happy and goes and sells everything in order to buy that field. The kingdom of heaven is like what happens when a shop owner is looking for fine pearls. After finding a very valuable one, the owner goes and sells everything in order to buy that pearl." (Mat. 13:43-46). "Invest in truth and wisdom, discipline and good sense, and don’t part with them." (Pro.23:23)